The more time went on after I took SDM in the spring, the more I was sure I had passed. I told everyone – bosses, coworkers, friends, anyone who would listen – that while I still have to wait for results to be released, I was sure I had passed. I was planning to go to the FAC in Seattle, already thinking about what books I should read on the plane and what activities I should do in the off hours. I was ready to go off into the sunset into a study-free life…
So you know how this story ends, right?
My number wasn’t on the list.
While I knew I had to wait for official results, as mentioned above, I was sure I had passed. Even now (grades have not been released yet) I have no idea how I didn’t pass. I’ll review the exam in detail at some point once the answers are released, and hopefully I can make some sense of it.
The interesting thing as far as this blog goes though, is that this was a total gut-punch. I’m not going to say my world came crashing down, but I was about as devastated as I get while still functioning. This is maybe the first real setback as far as this blog is concerned. While I have failed exams before, they were always exams that I was prepared to have failed, and it wasn’t a huge disappointment.
Looking back to my exam wrap up actually helped me deal with failing. While I had become really confident of passing in the interim, I had forgotten just how difficult my studying in the spring session was, and how I had a sick kid with me on 3 of my 5 study days before the exam. While those are by no means excuses, they at least serve to remind me that passing was by no means a lock before I took the exam.
I am still pretty upset. I’m not upset at anything specific, I think it is just more the fact that in my mind I was done, and this is a pretty big setback. I have to get into the studying groove again, and figure out how to get myself through the whole process and work to ensure a pass. I REALLY didn’t think I was going to have to do that, so I’m still adjusting to the disappointment.
I imagine most of those who are taking exams and will eventually read this will come to a point like this in their exam-taking journey. Hopefully seeing that it happens to a lot of people can be some comfort, and perhaps I’ll be able to blog a little bit more this time around to provide some perspective on how I am adjusting to the setback.
Maybe I should think of this like a concert… The band went off the stage, but we’re coming back out for one more encore, which will include a couple of our greatest hits! Ok, that is a little bit of stretch, but let’s go with it for now.
I think grades will come out later today, so I’ll provide some kind of update when I have more information.
